I fell in love with reality.

Nobody was born great.. everything in life takes practice in order to perfect. But sometimes I wonder why we worship celebrities? they were once in our very same shoes (whether they were bought at Payless or Jimmy Choos). God created us all the same, so what makes us different?

I began thinking while I was working out today.. what about celebrities.. and if I were a celebrity what kind of celebrity would I be? I often wonder about how a movie star really is in life.. like is their whole life one big ass show? do they have some sort of face they must maintain for their "fans" or... do they just not give a damn..?
The other day I was reading a magazine article on Sara Jessica Parker aka Carrie from Sex and The City, and it was an interview posted on the August issue in the Vogue magazine. She relentlessly admits that her life is nothing like the life that our esteemed "Carrie" lived. She isn't this crazy shoe fanatic that is obsessed with fashion. Though she respects fashion; she isn't obsessed per say. Sarah has an up-coming film entitled "I don't know how she does it", this movie is as she says "has the closest relation to my real life". Needless to say, after reading the article I fell in love with the reality of reality... you know? I LOVE LOVE LOVE Carrie from Sex and The City, but for some reason Sarah was really Carrie to me not vice versa. She's human! she has a husband and kids.. its absolutely beautiful... the fact that her life doesn't revolve around shoes and an overwhelmingly obsessive pattern of fashion makes her real life the more intriguing.

Like Sarah Jessica, I like to look at the real lives of people and see them as human, not just a robot on TV with "glory". Not that I don't feel like celebrities aren't great or they don't have talent or anything... I'm just saying, why be a groupie?

I just think, we should live and do what makes us happy... & if you want something bad enough; go get it. (just like celebrities did before fame)*

Thought BIG.

Have you ever lost yourself in your own thoughts?

I swear im on a mental high... I had about 20 million ideas born from a pure moment of insanity... & from insanity a great idea blossomed*

Im the type of person that when I want something... I. Get. It.

and...... I.... want to prosper... SO, I will.

"When it feels like livings harder than dying, for me giving up's way harder than trying." -Kanye

Random-ness....

While everyone would like to think their life is completely perfect; lets not forget that's impossible. I like to think that I can control every thing and every person around me, but who am I to do this? I cant even pass a couple math classes!

Lately I kill myself with how hard I can be on myself but truth is; You are you're own worse critic. I go through mental break-downs just trying to come to the conclusion of what I want to eat... its like: hmm.. I should eat a salad... but i want a cheese burger from McDonalds (but that's fattening) FML. I'm a mess LOL

Anyways.. this (blogging) was a way for me to reach out to the private written book I have living within me and I failed it for a while now... but if you should know.. I have moved out of my house=)
I now live in a three floor town house... I like it, but I miss having just one floor... BUT... my thighs look nicer ;)

I've been neglecting my gym zone as well... so while everyone was getting toned around me, I was getting fat! great '_' But I am definitely correcting that.... Ive been making a daily visit to the gym... I'm proud of the pain I'm experiencing... it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something! Anyhow, my room is kinna blank... what should I do to it? I'm thinking wall paper... that's "in" now.. ;)

So that's all I have to ramble for now.. maybe tomorrow I'll be a "normal" blogger and pick just ONE topic.

-Becca

American Idol

Alright.. I used to say I dont watch TV.. but thats a lie NOW. Before it totally was the truth but now its a down right lie. Im totally hooked on American Idol.. and Ill admit the only reason why I even put MAXIMUM effort in watching it is because of Jennifer Lopez..

I've always been a fan of hers! She's so gorgeous and do you know of a 42 year old that dances like she does and shakes it like a polaroid picture better than she can?

NO. I didnt think so*

After getting used to seeing her on the screen as judge on American Idol, Ive come to the conclusion that.. I actually like the show!

My favorite contestant is CASEY!

He is too talented. He was voted off, then Randy saved him.. along with the other two judges- But not as drastically as Randy saved him! and then... boom.. there you go- he's back on. However; America knows NO talent when they see it..

*clearly... hence; "racks on racks on racks"... (SMH)

Casey was voted off for good this time. All I kept thinking was *This is some bull...*

But lucky for me Im going to buy American Idol tickets to see them on tour when they come to Orlando on July 24th! woot woot! Sorry if you wont be there... BUT CASEY WILL ;)

BTW 'Casey' is a guy hehehe ;)

Goals..

I cant believe I have abandoned my blog.. then again I can.
School got hectic and I wanted to quick like a month ago, and then I remembered I have a goal.

If you dont already know; I am currently in school to become a secondary school teacher (9-12 grade). Yes, I know what youre thinking... "you sure?" "you wont make much money" "you want to teach all of these bad kids" "why dont you take up something in the medical field where it will always be in demand?"...

(this is me answering all of the above questions)

Yes I am sure.

I dont plan on doing it for the money.

They are only bad because you make them believe they are.

I dont want to be in the medical field because I cant stand blood neither can I stand to see people in pain.

I have an internal dream that I cant seem to shake.

I believe that I can construct a great future for each and every student that I teach. Some teachers dont take advantage of what they are capable to do by teaching these kids. I cant wait to help students learn, read and write. It honestly isnt even about the money, its about happiness. My grandma always said "you have two choices in life; either you choose to be happy of you choose to mad." Well, I choose to be happy. I will love to wake up every day and go teach my students. Sure it isnt your fairy tale job, but I will make it fun for my students as well as for me!

People always talk about how "bad kids are". They are only bad because you tell them they're bad. If you spend youre whole life telling a kid he/she is bad then they will be bad (its not science). Anyways... what are your goals in life? what ever it may be... do it because you want to. Not because youre "supposed to". Technically youre not supposed to do a damn thing*

-Becca <3

Me, Myself and I....?

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, thats just fabulous." -SATC (sex and the city)

Somewhere between being a fundamental and insecure person I dive into a world of endless possibilities when I think about realtionships.. you know- where will this one go? how does he REALLY see me? do my insecurities linger in an inevidable ora in which I cannot help? do I endlessly lurk around and judge everyone because I cant seem to find my place in any relationship? UGH... and the list goes ON.

As my obsession with Sex and The City continues I love this quote because it cant become any more real than this. I find myself trying to control every step of every relationship except for the one I have with myself. It isnt exciting for me... how the heck do I even manage to begin a relationship with myself? Or maybe I have ample opportunities but I completely overlook them for what "I need to be doing"...? For instance, I go to get mani/pedi's all the time by myself... and I also take long walks by myself... but what excatly does it mean to establish an exciting relationship with myself?!?! --am I a little crazy for not understanding?

im just a bit controlling -.-

The Sermon

It should come as no surprise that I'm all about God and faith... When I have to give advice I usually always share that I am a firm believer in prayer.
Ironically enough, I don't always pray when I'm hit hard with the overload of life and everything that comes with living.
Today I went to church; the sermon was about prayer and how we must pray... My pastor directed us to a passage in the bible that was in the book of 2 Chronicles..
The passage said we must first humble ourselves, pray... (I can't remember the exact verse), as I read along with my pastor to the words in the bible
As God mentioned how important it is to pray, I began to believe what I preach even more so.
I am a firm believer in prayer and how miraculous prayer can be!
The pastor had a 9yr old come to the stage and say why prayer was important to him
And at first I'm like okay maybe u were given a script but absolutely not, he said sometimes God doesn't answer your prayer right away
Because it isn't fit in his eyes yet for you, and sometimes he won't give u what u ask for but Its for your own good.
Hearing this come from a 9 year old; shocked me for good. I couldn't believe that what he was saying was so true.
God is real and so amazing...
The pastor also went on about saying how the average person prays about 3-5min a day... And that's pathetic! Think about it.. If Jesus is supposed to be our friend then why are we minimizing our
Problems for him? If he wants it all and asks us to just give him our burdens, then how can we share our burndens with him let alone give them to him in within a time-span on 3-5 min?
I mean seriously... If Jesus was a friend of mine that was physically here and I was telling him my issues it would take way more than 3-5 minutes to tell him
Any story!!
So all I'm saying is... He asks for me to tell him my worries and my fears my pain and my happiness... Everything!
He has provided me with so much; I should give him more time in my day!

God is good all the time, All the time; God is good*
=)

Crazy assignment- Step 1

Okay so, today in my sociology class I ran through so many emotions... I felt like my professor was just pulling my leg altogether. First I got a D on my midterm- I totally suck at taking tests (feeling failure like) and then... he's in casual conversation with class and he decides to share that he has 11 dogs, a donkey and a horse (feeling upset lol) I mean seriously? So I literally asked him if he was kidding only to find out he was very serious -as he continued to share exactly what kind of dogs lived in his house. So all along Im thinking the guy is a clean person because he always shows up clean and ironed and he's pretty smart & intellectual- but now he pist in my corn flakes (as my boyfriend would say) because he has eleven dogs that live inside of his house. whatever. Anyways.. every one is free to do what they please I might just be a little off today lol.

Just when I thought I was done running a train through my emotions, he puts us into groups. I just happen to be in Group 7. Cool, not at all coincidental since 7 is my favorite number... I just so happen to be the only girl in the group (3 guys). Our next step in class was to exchange information with our group members and pick a little piece of paper from a little box and that little piece of paper entailed the topic to which our group had to "research". One of the members of the group chose the best topic of life (sarcastically said) As I held my breath hoping for a civil topic.... I read in BIG BOLD LETTERS (FETISH NIGHT CLUBS -BONDAGE/FOOT) (feeling of confusion).

As the class continues being informative- he explains that which ever topic we have chosen we must put ourselves within the specified environment and see from a selfless point of view the different ways and things these people do/feel. So I'm thinking to myself... are you kidding me (once again he wasn't). I must admit it will be interesting but just know--- this is step one of the process and I cant wait to let you know how crazy it will be when I go to these fetish night clubs and experience some crazy crap. I let you know if someone goes hard when they see my feet LOL

&& that's ALL folks...

p/s: wait for Step TWO.

In my mind.. P.A.R.A.D.I.S.E.

Paradise to me is probably cliche in the minds of all others but ask me if I care?.. if by any chance youre asking; NO. I care for a completely peaceful and relaxing journey that entails nature and everything that is sewn within what it reaps. I want to be in a land full of green with different shades of colors... exotic flowers... random flows of water all along the path... I would like to walk along the path of some sort of sand in which I can feel like one intertwined with the wind...

If I had magical powers I'd be here right now... just staring in awe..... wouldnt you?

And If I were here now I'd probably be bathing in the waterfall; most refreshing bath of life*

This picture just gives out such peace doesnt it?

I dont do hiking... but I would on this path ;)

And just when I feel like giving up and feeling like there has got to be more to life... I would walk this path.. (if only it exists..)

Valentines Day

Its been a while since Ive blogged but let me just clarify; I actually have a life (school, work, social life, school, school, boyfriend and more school. Though I have been extra ordinarily busy, I still have so many great blog topics that I would love to get in to. However, this time around I want to talk about "Valentines Day".

Last Sabbath at church, my best friend Alexsis did an ice breaker for youth church that was great... it included love within a bible verse. The bible verse read like this

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The point of the ice breaker was to have someone out of 4 groups to memorize the bible verse and recite as much as they remember within 5 minutes. Needless to say it was a great idea considering the fact that within the following two days it was Valentines day. =)

My valentines day was full of greatness! My boyfriend went all the way out for my giftS and I was totally grateful (by the way yes, I got him gifts too). Anyways, the day reminded me of every day I spend with my boyfriend... he always manages to show me how much he loves me and it reminded me that the holiday isn't and shouldn't be the only day we ladies or men dress up for each other and buy each other cards of gifts... it should be regularly....

I must admit, I am guilty of using the word 'love' in vain. I never knew the true meaning of love until I met my current boyfriend. He has taught me patience, true happiness, gentleness, guidance and love. I never knew how much a human could actually show love... I didn't know love had the potential to grow.. My boyfriend and I have been through many trials but we've overcome them and I'm so happy now.. because those endeavours have made us stronger. (p.s. I love him... if you haven't already gathered that)

Hopefully your Valentines Day was great and I hope it stood for real Love.
Crushes are cute too hehe =]

Power in decision..

Sometimes, I don't know where to begin in my thought process...
I don't know where to begin, where not to obsess, and when to stop.
I always get to that breaking point... that suggests I stop and when I realize what a race I just put my mind through I begin to pray.
Prayer is so powerful.
Many say "when in doubt, pray." and I believe it.

(a little background info on myself)
I grew up in a Seventh Day Adventist household.... "thou shall keep the Sabbath day Holy" and in my household, we did. I grew up in a state of wonder.. I didn't know what I was in but all I needed to know was "it was right". Often I wondered why I was in this religion considering the fact that I couldn't eat certain foods, I wasn't allowed to go out on Friday nights and early every Saturday morning my family and I would go to church (when I say family I simply meant my house hold because the rest of my family is not 7Th Day Adventists). As I grew up, things got harder.. what seemed to be "right" became annoying and I was no longer a little girl who HAD to do anything.....

and suddenly I'm on my own and I make my own decisions..

A wise man once said something at the dinner table and it hasn't left my mind since then...

he said "You know, sometimes I wish God didn't give me the power of decision."

(by the way that man was my best friends grandfather Grandpa Fletcher.. R.I.P)

Up to this day I refer to that statement as I indulge in thought and I obsess with it because its true... God gave ME the power to choose... to make my very own decisions... That is too much power (think about it). After realizing that I need to be wise enough to make the right decisions that would be beneficial to me... I begin to grow bitter as if I'm setting my youth aside. Surely I want to go out on Friday nights and sure every menu in Miami has shrimp and pork in it.. but if the bible teaches me it isn't right since I was a little girl... what would makes it right now? Ive learned that it isn't always what you want to do... but its what you NEED to do.

I went from having a little girl mentality to making my own decisions. I went from growing up learning a religion and having to choose if this is what my heart pursues at its own knowledge and concluding 'yes'. God is the only one I turn to that has never ever ever let me down... he has been the one to see me through my hardships and pain. So tell me again.. why wouldn't I choose him?

So at times when I race to find a place and I end up at no destination.... I feel lost, lonely, frustrated, unworthy, bitter, anxious; I then unhesitatingly turn to God. I feel for those who don't know God, and who don't turn to him in times of trouble or in times where peace is needed... I wonder where they find their safe place...?

He lives in my mind, soul, and body. Without Him, I would be nobody* I choose God.

One Yearrrr =)) 1-29-11

January 30th was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend Ryan! To say the least... it was amazing! It went something like this...

It was Saturday... and I was getting ready for him to pick me up for church... and right when I finished applying my makeup... he knocked on the door... only to find that he bought me this gorgeous arrangement of flowers!! It was full of exotic flowers =)

As we greeted each other with the whole "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABYYYY"... we went to my room as he gave me a stack full of cards!! lol... yes, he bought me six cards... and each with a significant number on the top left corner in which I was instructed to open accordingly. As I opened each card I was flabbergasted with love and paragraphs all with a distinct message... as I opened the last card... it went something like... open gift after this card and as i finished reading the card he handed me a pink little bag and inside was two Pandora charms for my Pandora bracelet!!! One read Forever Together (AWWW) and the other one was two red hearts with gold crowns on them.. SO cute =)

I was extremely excited to receive his gift.. and it meant so much to me.

1-30-2011 was a great day because Ryan requested the day off and he cooked for me! PASTA AND CHICKENNN! soo good! we planned a picnic...

We went to South Beach and brought blankets and food with Italian soda and white grape cider. We had such a great time. And of course I brought Tuesdays with Morrie =)) this is what our picnic looked like....

The sunset was gorgeous =) *By the way* these pictures were totally taken with a Blackberry! I left my camera in the car like a smart person "/

We had so many good! After we ate pasta we had desert =)) (my favorite part ALL THE TIME)

There was white grapes, raspberries, strawberries, bananas, whip cream, chocolate dipping sauce anddd Italian soda (Archer Farms) and white grape cider** YES cider! non-alcoholic!

I wanted the best of both worlds on my strawberry and I needed assistance...

*Cheers* to Ryan and I... many years to come =)

"Woman".

Sure models are beautiful but in reality you are your own model.
I am guilty of obsessing over my flaws and not overcoming the inevitable.. but lets face it: we’re never satisfied. My professor for Sociology had us watch a video on Women. The video entailed all kinds of media clippings suggesting that women have become an object. It provided examples from magazine clippings with women exposing their body parts such as thighs, breasts, torsos, butts... pretty much their whole body with bold wording that read “SEX TIPS”, “SEX THAT HE’LL NEVER FORGET”, “BIGGER BUTT EXERCISES”, “FLAT BELLY THIS SUMMER” and etc. Pretty much setting the impression at a level that focused on the exterior of a woman making the exterior inferior with the interior. After deconstructing the advertisements on the magazines, the video touch based with how the parts of a woman were being used as sex symbols. Parts such as lips giving woman the “luscious feeling HE will never forget”. And whoever “HE” is.. “Women” have become HIS sex slave. The media has taken away the beauty of being a woman and replaced it with promiscuity.

Then woman are slowly being brain washed to believe a lie… since their body isn’t as slim or curved like the woman on the magazine is, then a man won’t want her and then she begins to depreciate herself. That’s terrible.

The video also showed how willing woman are becoming to starve and showcase an unrealistic exterior. I must admit that after seeing this video it made me angry because I began to realize that a woman’s worth has become slim to none. It almost seems as though the media sees a woman as a sex toy and the only thing we are good for is sex or being an emblem for sex. Why is that?

Sure, who doesn’t want to look like the model on the front cover of a magazine? But the reality behind that is that those very same models are air brushed and modified repetitively before they can be exposed to the world. Of course the naked eye of a camera lens will not encompass the beauty from within a woman but the content of a magazine can… as well as how the picture is presented. Why is it that sex sells, but appropriateness is teased?

Instead of a woman attempting to achieve a sense of high self esteem, she looks for comfort through a magazine that expresses a bias structure towards what a woman “should look like”. And in that case, I am utterly against it. Even though I am not perfect and I myself have insecurities, the reality of it is, my body will never look like someone else’s body that is voluptuous or curvy. Sure I have other insecurities that have turned me out into feeling this way about myself and this is why I’m tackling it so hard.

My point is, like I said from the beginning “we are our own models”. When you look in the mirror without comparing yourself to anyone; it feels good. Women, you are beautiful inside and out! You don’t need your body to define who you are as a person! And if for any chance you feel bad about how you look; then change it. But don’t let a magazine dictate your self esteem and don’t let magazine articles enhance your need for sexual attention; just be.

Create your own media… =)

Sexuality Vs. Generation

*Disclaimer: I'm a blunt individual, and what I have to say stands for my own clarity. Everything that is written on my blog isn't intended to offend anyone.*



I got to thinking about how lightly sexuality is being taken today. While sitting in my Intro to Diversity class my professor began her lecture with the topic of sexuality and how little by little people are being more insensitive about it.



Most people look up to a higher power when it comes to terms with what makes certain "acts" "okay". Mostly everyone is well aware of the rap artist Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. aka "Weezy". A couple of years ago Wezzy showed affection to another male rap artist (Baby) on TV as he kissed him on the lips on 106 & Park. Why was that okay? Why was it okay for the kiss to be exposed on national television BUT the sight of gay men kissing is abominable? What made that action okay? Why is that we can come to terms with the actions of a famous rap artist and justify him kissing another man, but when a man kissing another man defines who he is - there is always a huge statement made...?

By the way; I'm not gay and I'm not agreeing that being gay is the way to be but I'm just bringing this action out in the open.

I just want to know: what has the industry provided for society to accept as okay? It seems as though if we take a popular rap artist and say he has herpes it will not spoil his reputation for the most part but instead it will minimize the severity of the actual disease. Hence this being an actual problem. In my opinion many people are neglecting the severity of what is wrong... its as if nothing is considered "wrong" now-a-days.... this is slowly becoming problematic.
My children are going to belong to a generation in which none of these things matter by then because will have just become another random act of what "people do"(kissing same sex on the lips) or what "people have" (diagnosed with an STD).

If my generation is preaching that these things are okay or in a sense they are being justified, then OUR future generations will reap what WE have sewn...


ahhh more to come :)

Good gone Bad

I am about to make a bold statement....

The word 'good' has lost its meaning in its entirety.

Have you ever heard the expression "sucka for love"? Well I am what you would call a "sucka for words" and it absolutely undeniably irritates the crap out of me when people use words outside of their context. Not only do I have a love for words but I am fairly into religion.. or even theology... (try and keep up its worth it I promise) The above bold statement was made to make a point and wipe away any sort of justification for our society. So let me just cut to the chase... The last real connection society had to the actual meaning of what is good and what is bad ended with the infamous bar in a rap said by rap artist JayZ in his collaboration with Rihanna when he refer ed to her as "a good girl gone bad". Of course this was said and meant in the actuality of its intended context.. She was a good girl and now she has gone bad.

OKAY PERFECT.. I GET THAT. WHAT IS THERE NOT TO GET?
Today society has such a strong hold on young minds and it is slowly evolving the context of the word GOOD. The rap industry is swapping the meaning of the word good for bad. I find this to be such an issue especially when young minds entertain themselves with solely music and they search for inspiration through the heros' of hip-hop... and because hip hop is such an over populated genre in the music world; our generation is being intoxicated with these lyrics and it is subconsciously changing the way we speak. for instance...

"she BAD" or
"BADDEST chick in the game" or
"the song was sick!" or
"the car is stupid dumb"....

This is my problem... I don't understand why we cant just use the word for what its worth. Why is using an antonym for a word popular right now? Where are we directing our future generation towards? If every little boy growing up now was born to this mentality of referring to a pretty girl as a bad girl, then where does that little boy stand in his very own mind away from music and society? He will stand in a world full of ignorance and in essence he is being taught a dictionary that is completely rewritten by a society that has no direction. As for a young girl growing up in her adolescent years, she will strive to be a 'bad' girl because being 'bad' is the standard for men now-a-days. Its sad....

Its sad when music has such a powerful influence on the way we conduct ourselves subconsciously.. and I'm not saying that I am perfect and what not... because I have used the word 'bad' in its opposite context but when I realized that it is changing the way we think subconsciously I decided to stop using it.

Sadly the real meaning of what the centered text meant was: "she is really beautiful", "the prettiest girl in the industry", "the song was great" and "the car was extremely attractive"...

There are so many other topics I will be touching... stay tuned =)

Fruit and Spice Festival!

Nature expresses humility I'll have you know, and today I was in a world that gratified natures essentials. Today was a day unlike all others; I experienced the Fruit and Spice festival in the Redlands!Of course the Redlands is very far west and its mainly farmlands... well today was a day that it celebrated these flavors and different type of "aiding" if you will.

As I walked through a path that had a blank look with a pale walk-way made up of nothing more than rocks and dirt.. I began to realize I wore the wrong kind of footwear (sandals) Sigh* As i brushed that off.. I lost myself in the calm serenity of what seemed to be a movie as I surrounded myself with different tents that housed distinct elements.

Plants were for sale.. the kind that my abuelita makes tea with... anis, menta, and then of course the exotic plants such as french lavender... it was beautiful.

Then I came across the spices that were for sale, beautiful rich spices.. curry.. even different salts! all specified at the vendors expense of course.. The colors were naturally vibrant and all ignited a beauty all on their own.

As I continued to walk, I came across this one booth that advertised and was sampling different salts for the skin... natural exfoliation basically. I got a one on one demonstration of this one particular scrub.. great experience.. it left my skin sooo soft =) not that they weren't already but... okay what ever, point is... it was great* and JUST IN CASE you didn't know: there is a WORLD full of different wood.
Just when I thought Id seen every instrument ever made.. I was wrong. I hadn't. These gorgeous instruments create such great sounds.. unlike any other sounds I've heard before.. and it looks like some of them might have been made with bamboo.. pretty unique huh?
As if I wasn't already in utopia I had coconut water *yummm* so very refreshing by the way.
Well thats all folks =)

Cold Morning

This morning alike others, I wake up and feel a sort of disconnection with everything... There are days when I feel the need to be closer to God.
I think; maybe if I pray or start a devotional... Or do something nice for someone I'll feel better.
I'm a mess. I think.
I was raised as a Christian yet I sometimes feel I have no faith and I need to change that.
So, this morning I'm waking up to a prayer and some meditation along with a bible verse to carry throughout my day.
I love it; "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -Heb 11:1

Have a blessed day :) (with faith of course*)

Sometimes Day.

Sometimes I feel like running away to a place that I can't be found yet a place that I know I'm safe..
Life consist of so many spectrums that sometimes its a job to manage all of them at the same time in what may seem like an orderly manner.
Today was a "sometimes" day.
I didn't want to lay down or walk around anywhere..
In actuality my boyfriend is sick and I was taking care of him the whole day which is probably why I didn't want to do anything..
Sometimes I have so much to say that I don't say anything at all...

Today is just a Monday. And I am just a girl laying in bed with so much to say with not enough means to say it.
Plus she(my best friend) says I should blog everyday...

So... Here it is I blog'd :)

MakeUP day...

Today was thee official makeup day =)
I honestly dont know whats gotten into me but, for a while now I have been looking for something to "collect" and I think I want to collect makeup-- yummm*
or maybe its just a justifaction to me wanting to have fancy and really cool make-up... who knows?!? hehe ;)
After reading a few blogs I came across some great names of make-up...
First came "Stila"...

After reading someone mention Stila in their blog I was eager to go check it out... So today I took a trip to Sephora =)

Needless to say I was like a little kid in the candy shop and... I kept stumbling across all of this amazing makeup and I had no idea what was the "good stuff"! It was fun though*

After looking as lost as can be, I came across this guy (super gay, I LOVED HIM by the way*) and he immediately introduced himself; Name: Josh. He went on to tell me that he just started his new website: http://www.joshlooks.com/. In this website he has all of these cool HD videos with 2-a-day video blogs on make-up and great how-to-do's in this website! I could hardly wait to check it out... After speaking with Josh... he introduced me to Urban Decay (makeup)

Urban Decay has amazing shine to it and its really fun makeup offering great tones... I think I might invest in this brand.. =) Then, he introduced me to Makeup Forever. Makeup Forever is sephoras very own makeup! I was so excited.. the colors were pure color.. like, the color in the palet was the color you would wipe on your skin! It was spectacular.

<-- this is all the makeup from Makeup Forever. I was in makeup heaven...

After all the premature questions asked about this whole big world of makeup... Josh wanted to do my makeup! And I totally allowed him to! he gave me a FREE face!!! It was a purple scheme smoky eye... and this is what I looked like..

Stay tuned fam... more Makeup info to come ;)

Reality Life

Reality Life
Karen Sternheimer wrote an essay entitled: Reality Life. The essay is based on what society chooses to base their perception of living the “American dream” through watching a reality TV show. Living a dream in the eyes of the average American or the “middle class” person mirrors having financial independence and, of course, fame as Sternheimer says. While watching shows like Keeping up with the Kardashians, The Real Housewives of Orange County and others; it allows us to conjure a sense of celebrity through their show facilitating an even greater real life magazine excerpt walking around in our television screen that we try so desperately to mimic. While having this option as a mere possibility, the “celebrities” are somewhat like “us” and we begin to feel at ease; so it then becomes our addiction to view and indulge in reality shows because we feel a step closer to the celebrity with high social economic status or “fame”.
Aside from obsessing about the wealth found in these people whose lives are a show, we are blatantly exposed to their irritating and irrational personalities and ways; they aren’t always admirable. Sternheimer says “So in a way these shows both celebrate wealth and criticize the wealthy. If we’re not in the exclusive club of being wealthy, watching them might make us feel better about our relatively modest lives.” There is a sense of hidden wealth in America where the real elite (older more powerful rich people) refuse to have no privacy in their lives due to their economic status. Not necessarily meaning that their lives aren’t merely as interesting as those who have reality shows and flaunt their money on public television, but better yet they remain invisibly rich in the grand scheme of things. Sternheimer emphasizes that “our continued focus on wealth coming from hard work, talent, and being on a reality show masks the reality of where wealth mostly comes from in America.” And for those reasons Americans turn to the next best and closest thing to what they consider living an ideal life; watching reality TV shows.
Allowing moment of honesty to be evident; I too am guilty for watching reality TV shows, which is probably why it is much easier for me to dissect the more populated crowd in viewing these shows. I like to believe that it is easy to go out and spend thousands of dollars a day on things that I DON’T NEED and rather on things that I LIKE. Watching these shows brings me a sense of thrill and adrenaline causing me to want to work just as hard as they portray themselves to work in these shows. The only show that really captivates my attention is “Keeping up with the Kardashians”! I am absolutely infatuated with that show! I am undeniably in love with the fashion, the personalities, the people and the random things they do in the show; it’s entertaining to me. I completely agree with Sternheimer when she says “watching these people might make us feel better about our relatively modest lives”, it makes sense. At least personally it makes sense to me because they too have problems and due to their celebrity status they can’t do things that ordinary people do- hence (me) being grateful for my totally simplistic life. I come and go as I please to where ever I choose to go and yet I still have the opportunity to feel like I am a part of their loop (the celebrity world) through the things they do. Obviously I’m not able to do the things they do exactly how they do them but in small form I am able.
One of the things that mostly stood out to me was when Sternheimer explains the difference between the “leisure class” and the “power elite”. She explains that the leisure class consist of the celebrities in reality TV and she compares them to the power elite society that is in her terms the “real upper crust” whose money is not as new and who probably wouldn’t allow cameras in their homes and they would rather remain largely invisible. While keeping the power elite at an exclusive level where cameras aren’t needed in their daily lives it provides windows to help maintain an illusion that there is an invisible society yet never-the-less more important than those which are visible. When keeping such power at a minimal exposure we subconsciously understand that not everyone that has money with an interesting personality can be famous. There comes a point where stating the obvious is unnecessary because it should be known that there are rich people in this world that derive from old family businesses and corporations that don’t have the least interest in having their own reality show but they are in existence.
Sternheimer makes an interesting points in this article, most of them in which I have agreed with. As for my addiction to the reality TV show ending due to this article or my moment of truth; I won’t stop watching them. Maybe it gives the average American something to hope for? In which case even still, her point remains valid- in my opinion.

Sex and The City

I remember the first time I heard the title "Sex and The City"! I was listening to the song "Bonnie and Clyde" by Beyonce ft Jay-Z... "the only time we dont speak is during Sex and the City, she gets Carrie fever..."
Yes I was pretty young and the only relation I made to "sex" was; I wasnt supposed to know about it =x
In the long run... I came across it on TV and I think it stands for women and what we truly think about sex... its like our orgasm outloud and in script. Things we wish we could do; the four ladies in SATC do for us. I think my favorite character is Samantha! She is such a funny character... she makes a game out of sex; she uses crayons as an assimilation for goodness sakes! lol

One of the best things about SATC is the quotes... When im in an un-defineable mood... I refer to the quotes in SATC...

"Maybe some women arent meant to be tamed, Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them"
OR
"Maybe all men are a drug, sometimes they bring you down and sometimes, like now, they get you so high"
OR.. I could go on and on and on BUT I cant seem to copy and paste.. so im too lazy to continue to have to go back and forth with the whole copy and paste thing!

I have so many quotes that I will mention through out my blog! Stay tuned =)

Silence and Music..

Moment of honesty: I wish I could sing...

word of mouth is (my mouth) I have a beautiful mind...

actually he (Rya

n) says I do...

he says my mind is one of the most beautiful things about me but, he's scared of it at the same time.

I dont wonder why. I know why. My mind seems so distinct and when I think, I go into a world full of words and I come out with a world full of ideas and as each second goes by my obsessions begins to grow as if I could only convince myself that I can create something out of all of my "ideas"... I drift into deep thought such as "love" and "kindness", "hatred" basically "emotion"... If I turned my thoughts into a song it would be extraordinarily deep.

Silence and Music. Silence and music are the only two things that make me think* sometimes the silence comes from a statement that someone may say that would throw me off and I end up drifting into some place that I live alone and only I can

understand; me.

Music.. Music can be deep. All depending on what you think music really is. I think it takes so much

soul to make what I would consider a great song...

One of my favorite artists is Lauryn Hill.

She's titan to real hip-hop and poetry. Her songs move me and challenge me to think... think about good things other than the usual money, sex and drugs. Pleasures of the world that only last momentary. Sorry... Im drifting....

One of my favorite songs; "Just like the water".... its pure.

ENJOY FAM.

"Just Like Water"

[Verse 1]

Moving down the streams of my lifetime

Pulls the fascination in my sleeve

Cooling off the fire of my longing

Boiling off my cold within his heat

Melting down the walls of inhibition

Evaporating all of my fears

Baptizing me into complete submission

Dissolving my condition with his tears

[Chorus]

He's just like the water

I ain't felt this way in years

He's just like the water

I ain't felt this way in years

[Verse 2]

Coursing through my senses, he's prevailing

Floating through the space of my design

Drowning me to find my inside sailing

Drinking in the mainstream of his mind

Filling up the cup of my emotions

Spilling over into all I do

If I only I could get lost in his ocean

Surviving on the thought of loving you

[Chorus]

He's just like the water

I ain't felt this way in years

He's just like the water, the water

I ain't felt this way in years

[Verse 3]

Bathing in the fountain of his essence

He causes my expression to remain

Humbled on a mountain by his presence

Washing my intentions with his name

Sealing off the floodgates of his passions

Saving all his liquid for his own

Moisturizing me to satisfaction

In my imagination? No no!

He's pouring out his soul to me for hours and hours

Drawing out my nature with his hands

Yearning I'm so thirsty for his power

Burning to be worthy of his land

[Chorus]

He's just like the water

I ain't felt this way in years

He's just like the water

I ain't felt this way in years

[Ad Libs Remainder]

Cleaning me

He's purging me

And moving me around

He's bathing me

And he's claiming me

And moving me around

Around and around and around

And around

Watching me, claiming me

Moving me around

He's purging me

He's been cleaning me

And moving me around

And around

<3

aMUSing

Today he made me listen to about three songs from J-Cole

Hmm… J-Cole.. I dont listen to him; he’s the “unfamiliar”. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when I listen to certain artists because their words are reckless and far too intense for me to enjoy. My “whole thing is” why listen to music when its not aMUSing?

So, anyways… he made me listen to it and I actually liked what the guy had to say. He talked about things that matter such as “losing your balance when a beautiful intellect is more entertaining than a physical beauty and he talks about darkness being bright… and he talks. It was enlightening to know that talent has a shadow of hope and actually has something to say; positive.

The other day I was in a line at Ross… and the line was kind of lengthy but nothing to die over… and this lady infront of me is huffing and puffing and she seems so irritated. So, she ask’s the guy thats infront of her if he is with the family that he is talking to that is conveniently right infront of him and he says “no ma’am go right ahead” and he was so nice and he was hugging his two daughters, it seems like he had a long day at work but he was genuinely happy. Anyways, the lady says “mucha gracias senior” as if the guy didnt speak english when he specifically told her to go right ahead.. and he went on to say “youre welcome its no problem, I understand its the holiday season and everyone is shopping and I’m in no rush… the world would be a better place if everyone would just cooperate with one another and treat eachother with love”. And I thought to myself, you know what… he’s right. If everyone would just show humility and show love then the world would be a better place.

words… words play a huge part in society. Words along with gesture. If I were to just listen to what you have to say and you would just listen to what I have to say and we can come to an understanding… there would be less pain and terror in the world.

I’ll listen to you, while you listen to what I’m saying to you while we listen with eachother and maybe everything will wound up being aMUSing….?

Friend-Ship

Trust. . .

Trust welcomes me in this friend-ship and as I walk in I feel welcomed, yet shamelessly shy and naive in this cliche ship. I wonder what the journey will encompass? Will I lose connection with this friend-ship or will I learn from it? Should I take the risk; find out?

Exactly what ship is a friendship?
Does it expose you to a journey of pure bliss or does it shadow hands-on experience of little endeavors? Friend-ship. It is truth or dare? Do we board the ship in hopes of living a dream that satisfies our emotions of never being understood? Should we stand up and be in-touch with its “cons”? Or should we call this truce…? What dwells in its intentions?Do we learn to disembark its scarce faithfulness or do we accept its dull moments of happiness?

Friend-ship…
For all you know its a tie..
A tie between what you want in everyone but what you settle for in a group of people because not one person holds all the right qualities that qualify them to board your ship. I would ask questions like; “Could I swim to the shore with you? If I jump, can I trust you to enlighten my happiness with unknown factors? Or am I by all means dreaming?

Friendship is tricky and by all means made up by time and the essence of alike characteristics. “If I scratch your back, you scratch mine.”

Its pretty much a gamble whether you choose to board a friend-ship or not… however hard it may be; take the risk and find out. If anything, it’ll be an experience.

Cheers to real friendships*