One Yearrrr =)) 1-29-11

January 30th was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend Ryan! To say the least... it was amazing! It went something like this...

It was Saturday... and I was getting ready for him to pick me up for church... and right when I finished applying my makeup... he knocked on the door... only to find that he bought me this gorgeous arrangement of flowers!! It was full of exotic flowers =)

As we greeted each other with the whole "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABYYYY"... we went to my room as he gave me a stack full of cards!! lol... yes, he bought me six cards... and each with a significant number on the top left corner in which I was instructed to open accordingly. As I opened each card I was flabbergasted with love and paragraphs all with a distinct message... as I opened the last card... it went something like... open gift after this card and as i finished reading the card he handed me a pink little bag and inside was two Pandora charms for my Pandora bracelet!!! One read Forever Together (AWWW) and the other one was two red hearts with gold crowns on them.. SO cute =)

I was extremely excited to receive his gift.. and it meant so much to me.

1-30-2011 was a great day because Ryan requested the day off and he cooked for me! PASTA AND CHICKENNN! soo good! we planned a picnic...

We went to South Beach and brought blankets and food with Italian soda and white grape cider. We had such a great time. And of course I brought Tuesdays with Morrie =)) this is what our picnic looked like....

The sunset was gorgeous =) *By the way* these pictures were totally taken with a Blackberry! I left my camera in the car like a smart person "/

We had so many good! After we ate pasta we had desert =)) (my favorite part ALL THE TIME)

There was white grapes, raspberries, strawberries, bananas, whip cream, chocolate dipping sauce anddd Italian soda (Archer Farms) and white grape cider** YES cider! non-alcoholic!

I wanted the best of both worlds on my strawberry and I needed assistance...

*Cheers* to Ryan and I... many years to come =)

"Woman".

Sure models are beautiful but in reality you are your own model.
I am guilty of obsessing over my flaws and not overcoming the inevitable.. but lets face it: we’re never satisfied. My professor for Sociology had us watch a video on Women. The video entailed all kinds of media clippings suggesting that women have become an object. It provided examples from magazine clippings with women exposing their body parts such as thighs, breasts, torsos, butts... pretty much their whole body with bold wording that read “SEX TIPS”, “SEX THAT HE’LL NEVER FORGET”, “BIGGER BUTT EXERCISES”, “FLAT BELLY THIS SUMMER” and etc. Pretty much setting the impression at a level that focused on the exterior of a woman making the exterior inferior with the interior. After deconstructing the advertisements on the magazines, the video touch based with how the parts of a woman were being used as sex symbols. Parts such as lips giving woman the “luscious feeling HE will never forget”. And whoever “HE” is.. “Women” have become HIS sex slave. The media has taken away the beauty of being a woman and replaced it with promiscuity.

Then woman are slowly being brain washed to believe a lie… since their body isn’t as slim or curved like the woman on the magazine is, then a man won’t want her and then she begins to depreciate herself. That’s terrible.

The video also showed how willing woman are becoming to starve and showcase an unrealistic exterior. I must admit that after seeing this video it made me angry because I began to realize that a woman’s worth has become slim to none. It almost seems as though the media sees a woman as a sex toy and the only thing we are good for is sex or being an emblem for sex. Why is that?

Sure, who doesn’t want to look like the model on the front cover of a magazine? But the reality behind that is that those very same models are air brushed and modified repetitively before they can be exposed to the world. Of course the naked eye of a camera lens will not encompass the beauty from within a woman but the content of a magazine can… as well as how the picture is presented. Why is it that sex sells, but appropriateness is teased?

Instead of a woman attempting to achieve a sense of high self esteem, she looks for comfort through a magazine that expresses a bias structure towards what a woman “should look like”. And in that case, I am utterly against it. Even though I am not perfect and I myself have insecurities, the reality of it is, my body will never look like someone else’s body that is voluptuous or curvy. Sure I have other insecurities that have turned me out into feeling this way about myself and this is why I’m tackling it so hard.

My point is, like I said from the beginning “we are our own models”. When you look in the mirror without comparing yourself to anyone; it feels good. Women, you are beautiful inside and out! You don’t need your body to define who you are as a person! And if for any chance you feel bad about how you look; then change it. But don’t let a magazine dictate your self esteem and don’t let magazine articles enhance your need for sexual attention; just be.

Create your own media… =)

Sexuality Vs. Generation

*Disclaimer: I'm a blunt individual, and what I have to say stands for my own clarity. Everything that is written on my blog isn't intended to offend anyone.*



I got to thinking about how lightly sexuality is being taken today. While sitting in my Intro to Diversity class my professor began her lecture with the topic of sexuality and how little by little people are being more insensitive about it.



Most people look up to a higher power when it comes to terms with what makes certain "acts" "okay". Mostly everyone is well aware of the rap artist Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. aka "Weezy". A couple of years ago Wezzy showed affection to another male rap artist (Baby) on TV as he kissed him on the lips on 106 & Park. Why was that okay? Why was it okay for the kiss to be exposed on national television BUT the sight of gay men kissing is abominable? What made that action okay? Why is that we can come to terms with the actions of a famous rap artist and justify him kissing another man, but when a man kissing another man defines who he is - there is always a huge statement made...?

By the way; I'm not gay and I'm not agreeing that being gay is the way to be but I'm just bringing this action out in the open.

I just want to know: what has the industry provided for society to accept as okay? It seems as though if we take a popular rap artist and say he has herpes it will not spoil his reputation for the most part but instead it will minimize the severity of the actual disease. Hence this being an actual problem. In my opinion many people are neglecting the severity of what is wrong... its as if nothing is considered "wrong" now-a-days.... this is slowly becoming problematic.
My children are going to belong to a generation in which none of these things matter by then because will have just become another random act of what "people do"(kissing same sex on the lips) or what "people have" (diagnosed with an STD).

If my generation is preaching that these things are okay or in a sense they are being justified, then OUR future generations will reap what WE have sewn...


ahhh more to come :)

Good gone Bad

I am about to make a bold statement....

The word 'good' has lost its meaning in its entirety.

Have you ever heard the expression "sucka for love"? Well I am what you would call a "sucka for words" and it absolutely undeniably irritates the crap out of me when people use words outside of their context. Not only do I have a love for words but I am fairly into religion.. or even theology... (try and keep up its worth it I promise) The above bold statement was made to make a point and wipe away any sort of justification for our society. So let me just cut to the chase... The last real connection society had to the actual meaning of what is good and what is bad ended with the infamous bar in a rap said by rap artist JayZ in his collaboration with Rihanna when he refer ed to her as "a good girl gone bad". Of course this was said and meant in the actuality of its intended context.. She was a good girl and now she has gone bad.

OKAY PERFECT.. I GET THAT. WHAT IS THERE NOT TO GET?
Today society has such a strong hold on young minds and it is slowly evolving the context of the word GOOD. The rap industry is swapping the meaning of the word good for bad. I find this to be such an issue especially when young minds entertain themselves with solely music and they search for inspiration through the heros' of hip-hop... and because hip hop is such an over populated genre in the music world; our generation is being intoxicated with these lyrics and it is subconsciously changing the way we speak. for instance...

"she BAD" or
"BADDEST chick in the game" or
"the song was sick!" or
"the car is stupid dumb"....

This is my problem... I don't understand why we cant just use the word for what its worth. Why is using an antonym for a word popular right now? Where are we directing our future generation towards? If every little boy growing up now was born to this mentality of referring to a pretty girl as a bad girl, then where does that little boy stand in his very own mind away from music and society? He will stand in a world full of ignorance and in essence he is being taught a dictionary that is completely rewritten by a society that has no direction. As for a young girl growing up in her adolescent years, she will strive to be a 'bad' girl because being 'bad' is the standard for men now-a-days. Its sad....

Its sad when music has such a powerful influence on the way we conduct ourselves subconsciously.. and I'm not saying that I am perfect and what not... because I have used the word 'bad' in its opposite context but when I realized that it is changing the way we think subconsciously I decided to stop using it.

Sadly the real meaning of what the centered text meant was: "she is really beautiful", "the prettiest girl in the industry", "the song was great" and "the car was extremely attractive"...

There are so many other topics I will be touching... stay tuned =)

Fruit and Spice Festival!

Nature expresses humility I'll have you know, and today I was in a world that gratified natures essentials. Today was a day unlike all others; I experienced the Fruit and Spice festival in the Redlands!Of course the Redlands is very far west and its mainly farmlands... well today was a day that it celebrated these flavors and different type of "aiding" if you will.

As I walked through a path that had a blank look with a pale walk-way made up of nothing more than rocks and dirt.. I began to realize I wore the wrong kind of footwear (sandals) Sigh* As i brushed that off.. I lost myself in the calm serenity of what seemed to be a movie as I surrounded myself with different tents that housed distinct elements.

Plants were for sale.. the kind that my abuelita makes tea with... anis, menta, and then of course the exotic plants such as french lavender... it was beautiful.

Then I came across the spices that were for sale, beautiful rich spices.. curry.. even different salts! all specified at the vendors expense of course.. The colors were naturally vibrant and all ignited a beauty all on their own.

As I continued to walk, I came across this one booth that advertised and was sampling different salts for the skin... natural exfoliation basically. I got a one on one demonstration of this one particular scrub.. great experience.. it left my skin sooo soft =) not that they weren't already but... okay what ever, point is... it was great* and JUST IN CASE you didn't know: there is a WORLD full of different wood.
Just when I thought Id seen every instrument ever made.. I was wrong. I hadn't. These gorgeous instruments create such great sounds.. unlike any other sounds I've heard before.. and it looks like some of them might have been made with bamboo.. pretty unique huh?
As if I wasn't already in utopia I had coconut water *yummm* so very refreshing by the way.
Well thats all folks =)

Cold Morning

This morning alike others, I wake up and feel a sort of disconnection with everything... There are days when I feel the need to be closer to God.
I think; maybe if I pray or start a devotional... Or do something nice for someone I'll feel better.
I'm a mess. I think.
I was raised as a Christian yet I sometimes feel I have no faith and I need to change that.
So, this morning I'm waking up to a prayer and some meditation along with a bible verse to carry throughout my day.
I love it; "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -Heb 11:1

Have a blessed day :) (with faith of course*)

Sometimes Day.

Sometimes I feel like running away to a place that I can't be found yet a place that I know I'm safe..
Life consist of so many spectrums that sometimes its a job to manage all of them at the same time in what may seem like an orderly manner.
Today was a "sometimes" day.
I didn't want to lay down or walk around anywhere..
In actuality my boyfriend is sick and I was taking care of him the whole day which is probably why I didn't want to do anything..
Sometimes I have so much to say that I don't say anything at all...

Today is just a Monday. And I am just a girl laying in bed with so much to say with not enough means to say it.
Plus she(my best friend) says I should blog everyday...

So... Here it is I blog'd :)

MakeUP day...

Today was thee official makeup day =)
I honestly dont know whats gotten into me but, for a while now I have been looking for something to "collect" and I think I want to collect makeup-- yummm*
or maybe its just a justifaction to me wanting to have fancy and really cool make-up... who knows?!? hehe ;)
After reading a few blogs I came across some great names of make-up...
First came "Stila"...

After reading someone mention Stila in their blog I was eager to go check it out... So today I took a trip to Sephora =)

Needless to say I was like a little kid in the candy shop and... I kept stumbling across all of this amazing makeup and I had no idea what was the "good stuff"! It was fun though*

After looking as lost as can be, I came across this guy (super gay, I LOVED HIM by the way*) and he immediately introduced himself; Name: Josh. He went on to tell me that he just started his new website: http://www.joshlooks.com/. In this website he has all of these cool HD videos with 2-a-day video blogs on make-up and great how-to-do's in this website! I could hardly wait to check it out... After speaking with Josh... he introduced me to Urban Decay (makeup)

Urban Decay has amazing shine to it and its really fun makeup offering great tones... I think I might invest in this brand.. =) Then, he introduced me to Makeup Forever. Makeup Forever is sephoras very own makeup! I was so excited.. the colors were pure color.. like, the color in the palet was the color you would wipe on your skin! It was spectacular.

<-- this is all the makeup from Makeup Forever. I was in makeup heaven...

After all the premature questions asked about this whole big world of makeup... Josh wanted to do my makeup! And I totally allowed him to! he gave me a FREE face!!! It was a purple scheme smoky eye... and this is what I looked like..

Stay tuned fam... more Makeup info to come ;)

Reality Life

Reality Life
Karen Sternheimer wrote an essay entitled: Reality Life. The essay is based on what society chooses to base their perception of living the “American dream” through watching a reality TV show. Living a dream in the eyes of the average American or the “middle class” person mirrors having financial independence and, of course, fame as Sternheimer says. While watching shows like Keeping up with the Kardashians, The Real Housewives of Orange County and others; it allows us to conjure a sense of celebrity through their show facilitating an even greater real life magazine excerpt walking around in our television screen that we try so desperately to mimic. While having this option as a mere possibility, the “celebrities” are somewhat like “us” and we begin to feel at ease; so it then becomes our addiction to view and indulge in reality shows because we feel a step closer to the celebrity with high social economic status or “fame”.
Aside from obsessing about the wealth found in these people whose lives are a show, we are blatantly exposed to their irritating and irrational personalities and ways; they aren’t always admirable. Sternheimer says “So in a way these shows both celebrate wealth and criticize the wealthy. If we’re not in the exclusive club of being wealthy, watching them might make us feel better about our relatively modest lives.” There is a sense of hidden wealth in America where the real elite (older more powerful rich people) refuse to have no privacy in their lives due to their economic status. Not necessarily meaning that their lives aren’t merely as interesting as those who have reality shows and flaunt their money on public television, but better yet they remain invisibly rich in the grand scheme of things. Sternheimer emphasizes that “our continued focus on wealth coming from hard work, talent, and being on a reality show masks the reality of where wealth mostly comes from in America.” And for those reasons Americans turn to the next best and closest thing to what they consider living an ideal life; watching reality TV shows.
Allowing moment of honesty to be evident; I too am guilty for watching reality TV shows, which is probably why it is much easier for me to dissect the more populated crowd in viewing these shows. I like to believe that it is easy to go out and spend thousands of dollars a day on things that I DON’T NEED and rather on things that I LIKE. Watching these shows brings me a sense of thrill and adrenaline causing me to want to work just as hard as they portray themselves to work in these shows. The only show that really captivates my attention is “Keeping up with the Kardashians”! I am absolutely infatuated with that show! I am undeniably in love with the fashion, the personalities, the people and the random things they do in the show; it’s entertaining to me. I completely agree with Sternheimer when she says “watching these people might make us feel better about our relatively modest lives”, it makes sense. At least personally it makes sense to me because they too have problems and due to their celebrity status they can’t do things that ordinary people do- hence (me) being grateful for my totally simplistic life. I come and go as I please to where ever I choose to go and yet I still have the opportunity to feel like I am a part of their loop (the celebrity world) through the things they do. Obviously I’m not able to do the things they do exactly how they do them but in small form I am able.
One of the things that mostly stood out to me was when Sternheimer explains the difference between the “leisure class” and the “power elite”. She explains that the leisure class consist of the celebrities in reality TV and she compares them to the power elite society that is in her terms the “real upper crust” whose money is not as new and who probably wouldn’t allow cameras in their homes and they would rather remain largely invisible. While keeping the power elite at an exclusive level where cameras aren’t needed in their daily lives it provides windows to help maintain an illusion that there is an invisible society yet never-the-less more important than those which are visible. When keeping such power at a minimal exposure we subconsciously understand that not everyone that has money with an interesting personality can be famous. There comes a point where stating the obvious is unnecessary because it should be known that there are rich people in this world that derive from old family businesses and corporations that don’t have the least interest in having their own reality show but they are in existence.
Sternheimer makes an interesting points in this article, most of them in which I have agreed with. As for my addiction to the reality TV show ending due to this article or my moment of truth; I won’t stop watching them. Maybe it gives the average American something to hope for? In which case even still, her point remains valid- in my opinion.

Sex and The City

I remember the first time I heard the title "Sex and The City"! I was listening to the song "Bonnie and Clyde" by Beyonce ft Jay-Z... "the only time we dont speak is during Sex and the City, she gets Carrie fever..."
Yes I was pretty young and the only relation I made to "sex" was; I wasnt supposed to know about it =x
In the long run... I came across it on TV and I think it stands for women and what we truly think about sex... its like our orgasm outloud and in script. Things we wish we could do; the four ladies in SATC do for us. I think my favorite character is Samantha! She is such a funny character... she makes a game out of sex; she uses crayons as an assimilation for goodness sakes! lol

One of the best things about SATC is the quotes... When im in an un-defineable mood... I refer to the quotes in SATC...

"Maybe some women arent meant to be tamed, Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them"
OR
"Maybe all men are a drug, sometimes they bring you down and sometimes, like now, they get you so high"
OR.. I could go on and on and on BUT I cant seem to copy and paste.. so im too lazy to continue to have to go back and forth with the whole copy and paste thing!

I have so many quotes that I will mention through out my blog! Stay tuned =)

Silence and Music..

Moment of honesty: I wish I could sing...

word of mouth is (my mouth) I have a beautiful mind...

actually he (Rya

n) says I do...

he says my mind is one of the most beautiful things about me but, he's scared of it at the same time.

I dont wonder why. I know why. My mind seems so distinct and when I think, I go into a world full of words and I come out with a world full of ideas and as each second goes by my obsessions begins to grow as if I could only convince myself that I can create something out of all of my "ideas"... I drift into deep thought such as "love" and "kindness", "hatred" basically "emotion"... If I turned my thoughts into a song it would be extraordinarily deep.

Silence and Music. Silence and music are the only two things that make me think* sometimes the silence comes from a statement that someone may say that would throw me off and I end up drifting into some place that I live alone and only I can

understand; me.

Music.. Music can be deep. All depending on what you think music really is. I think it takes so much

soul to make what I would consider a great song...

One of my favorite artists is Lauryn Hill.

She's titan to real hip-hop and poetry. Her songs move me and challenge me to think... think about good things other than the usual money, sex and drugs. Pleasures of the world that only last momentary. Sorry... Im drifting....

One of my favorite songs; "Just like the water".... its pure.

ENJOY FAM.

"Just Like Water"

[Verse 1]

Moving down the streams of my lifetime

Pulls the fascination in my sleeve

Cooling off the fire of my longing

Boiling off my cold within his heat

Melting down the walls of inhibition

Evaporating all of my fears

Baptizing me into complete submission

Dissolving my condition with his tears

[Chorus]

He's just like the water

I ain't felt this way in years

He's just like the water

I ain't felt this way in years

[Verse 2]

Coursing through my senses, he's prevailing

Floating through the space of my design

Drowning me to find my inside sailing

Drinking in the mainstream of his mind

Filling up the cup of my emotions

Spilling over into all I do

If I only I could get lost in his ocean

Surviving on the thought of loving you

[Chorus]

He's just like the water

I ain't felt this way in years

He's just like the water, the water

I ain't felt this way in years

[Verse 3]

Bathing in the fountain of his essence

He causes my expression to remain

Humbled on a mountain by his presence

Washing my intentions with his name

Sealing off the floodgates of his passions

Saving all his liquid for his own

Moisturizing me to satisfaction

In my imagination? No no!

He's pouring out his soul to me for hours and hours

Drawing out my nature with his hands

Yearning I'm so thirsty for his power

Burning to be worthy of his land

[Chorus]

He's just like the water

I ain't felt this way in years

He's just like the water

I ain't felt this way in years

[Ad Libs Remainder]

Cleaning me

He's purging me

And moving me around

He's bathing me

And he's claiming me

And moving me around

Around and around and around

And around

Watching me, claiming me

Moving me around

He's purging me

He's been cleaning me

And moving me around

And around

<3

aMUSing

Today he made me listen to about three songs from J-Cole

Hmm… J-Cole.. I dont listen to him; he’s the “unfamiliar”. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when I listen to certain artists because their words are reckless and far too intense for me to enjoy. My “whole thing is” why listen to music when its not aMUSing?

So, anyways… he made me listen to it and I actually liked what the guy had to say. He talked about things that matter such as “losing your balance when a beautiful intellect is more entertaining than a physical beauty and he talks about darkness being bright… and he talks. It was enlightening to know that talent has a shadow of hope and actually has something to say; positive.

The other day I was in a line at Ross… and the line was kind of lengthy but nothing to die over… and this lady infront of me is huffing and puffing and she seems so irritated. So, she ask’s the guy thats infront of her if he is with the family that he is talking to that is conveniently right infront of him and he says “no ma’am go right ahead” and he was so nice and he was hugging his two daughters, it seems like he had a long day at work but he was genuinely happy. Anyways, the lady says “mucha gracias senior” as if the guy didnt speak english when he specifically told her to go right ahead.. and he went on to say “youre welcome its no problem, I understand its the holiday season and everyone is shopping and I’m in no rush… the world would be a better place if everyone would just cooperate with one another and treat eachother with love”. And I thought to myself, you know what… he’s right. If everyone would just show humility and show love then the world would be a better place.

words… words play a huge part in society. Words along with gesture. If I were to just listen to what you have to say and you would just listen to what I have to say and we can come to an understanding… there would be less pain and terror in the world.

I’ll listen to you, while you listen to what I’m saying to you while we listen with eachother and maybe everything will wound up being aMUSing….?

Friend-Ship

Trust. . .

Trust welcomes me in this friend-ship and as I walk in I feel welcomed, yet shamelessly shy and naive in this cliche ship. I wonder what the journey will encompass? Will I lose connection with this friend-ship or will I learn from it? Should I take the risk; find out?

Exactly what ship is a friendship?
Does it expose you to a journey of pure bliss or does it shadow hands-on experience of little endeavors? Friend-ship. It is truth or dare? Do we board the ship in hopes of living a dream that satisfies our emotions of never being understood? Should we stand up and be in-touch with its “cons”? Or should we call this truce…? What dwells in its intentions?Do we learn to disembark its scarce faithfulness or do we accept its dull moments of happiness?

Friend-ship…
For all you know its a tie..
A tie between what you want in everyone but what you settle for in a group of people because not one person holds all the right qualities that qualify them to board your ship. I would ask questions like; “Could I swim to the shore with you? If I jump, can I trust you to enlighten my happiness with unknown factors? Or am I by all means dreaming?

Friendship is tricky and by all means made up by time and the essence of alike characteristics. “If I scratch your back, you scratch mine.”

Its pretty much a gamble whether you choose to board a friend-ship or not… however hard it may be; take the risk and find out. If anything, it’ll be an experience.

Cheers to real friendships*