Power in decision..

Sometimes, I don't know where to begin in my thought process...
I don't know where to begin, where not to obsess, and when to stop.
I always get to that breaking point... that suggests I stop and when I realize what a race I just put my mind through I begin to pray.
Prayer is so powerful.
Many say "when in doubt, pray." and I believe it.

(a little background info on myself)
I grew up in a Seventh Day Adventist household.... "thou shall keep the Sabbath day Holy" and in my household, we did. I grew up in a state of wonder.. I didn't know what I was in but all I needed to know was "it was right". Often I wondered why I was in this religion considering the fact that I couldn't eat certain foods, I wasn't allowed to go out on Friday nights and early every Saturday morning my family and I would go to church (when I say family I simply meant my house hold because the rest of my family is not 7Th Day Adventists). As I grew up, things got harder.. what seemed to be "right" became annoying and I was no longer a little girl who HAD to do anything.....

and suddenly I'm on my own and I make my own decisions..

A wise man once said something at the dinner table and it hasn't left my mind since then...

he said "You know, sometimes I wish God didn't give me the power of decision."

(by the way that man was my best friends grandfather Grandpa Fletcher.. R.I.P)

Up to this day I refer to that statement as I indulge in thought and I obsess with it because its true... God gave ME the power to choose... to make my very own decisions... That is too much power (think about it). After realizing that I need to be wise enough to make the right decisions that would be beneficial to me... I begin to grow bitter as if I'm setting my youth aside. Surely I want to go out on Friday nights and sure every menu in Miami has shrimp and pork in it.. but if the bible teaches me it isn't right since I was a little girl... what would makes it right now? Ive learned that it isn't always what you want to do... but its what you NEED to do.

I went from having a little girl mentality to making my own decisions. I went from growing up learning a religion and having to choose if this is what my heart pursues at its own knowledge and concluding 'yes'. God is the only one I turn to that has never ever ever let me down... he has been the one to see me through my hardships and pain. So tell me again.. why wouldn't I choose him?

So at times when I race to find a place and I end up at no destination.... I feel lost, lonely, frustrated, unworthy, bitter, anxious; I then unhesitatingly turn to God. I feel for those who don't know God, and who don't turn to him in times of trouble or in times where peace is needed... I wonder where they find their safe place...?

He lives in my mind, soul, and body. Without Him, I would be nobody* I choose God.