Goals..

I cant believe I have abandoned my blog.. then again I can.
School got hectic and I wanted to quick like a month ago, and then I remembered I have a goal.

If you dont already know; I am currently in school to become a secondary school teacher (9-12 grade). Yes, I know what youre thinking... "you sure?" "you wont make much money" "you want to teach all of these bad kids" "why dont you take up something in the medical field where it will always be in demand?"...

(this is me answering all of the above questions)

Yes I am sure.

I dont plan on doing it for the money.

They are only bad because you make them believe they are.

I dont want to be in the medical field because I cant stand blood neither can I stand to see people in pain.

I have an internal dream that I cant seem to shake.

I believe that I can construct a great future for each and every student that I teach. Some teachers dont take advantage of what they are capable to do by teaching these kids. I cant wait to help students learn, read and write. It honestly isnt even about the money, its about happiness. My grandma always said "you have two choices in life; either you choose to be happy of you choose to mad." Well, I choose to be happy. I will love to wake up every day and go teach my students. Sure it isnt your fairy tale job, but I will make it fun for my students as well as for me!

People always talk about how "bad kids are". They are only bad because you tell them they're bad. If you spend youre whole life telling a kid he/she is bad then they will be bad (its not science). Anyways... what are your goals in life? what ever it may be... do it because you want to. Not because youre "supposed to". Technically youre not supposed to do a damn thing*

-Becca <3

Me, Myself and I....?

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, thats just fabulous." -SATC (sex and the city)

Somewhere between being a fundamental and insecure person I dive into a world of endless possibilities when I think about realtionships.. you know- where will this one go? how does he REALLY see me? do my insecurities linger in an inevidable ora in which I cannot help? do I endlessly lurk around and judge everyone because I cant seem to find my place in any relationship? UGH... and the list goes ON.

As my obsession with Sex and The City continues I love this quote because it cant become any more real than this. I find myself trying to control every step of every relationship except for the one I have with myself. It isnt exciting for me... how the heck do I even manage to begin a relationship with myself? Or maybe I have ample opportunities but I completely overlook them for what "I need to be doing"...? For instance, I go to get mani/pedi's all the time by myself... and I also take long walks by myself... but what excatly does it mean to establish an exciting relationship with myself?!?! --am I a little crazy for not understanding?

im just a bit controlling -.-

The Sermon

It should come as no surprise that I'm all about God and faith... When I have to give advice I usually always share that I am a firm believer in prayer.
Ironically enough, I don't always pray when I'm hit hard with the overload of life and everything that comes with living.
Today I went to church; the sermon was about prayer and how we must pray... My pastor directed us to a passage in the bible that was in the book of 2 Chronicles..
The passage said we must first humble ourselves, pray... (I can't remember the exact verse), as I read along with my pastor to the words in the bible
As God mentioned how important it is to pray, I began to believe what I preach even more so.
I am a firm believer in prayer and how miraculous prayer can be!
The pastor had a 9yr old come to the stage and say why prayer was important to him
And at first I'm like okay maybe u were given a script but absolutely not, he said sometimes God doesn't answer your prayer right away
Because it isn't fit in his eyes yet for you, and sometimes he won't give u what u ask for but Its for your own good.
Hearing this come from a 9 year old; shocked me for good. I couldn't believe that what he was saying was so true.
God is real and so amazing...
The pastor also went on about saying how the average person prays about 3-5min a day... And that's pathetic! Think about it.. If Jesus is supposed to be our friend then why are we minimizing our
Problems for him? If he wants it all and asks us to just give him our burdens, then how can we share our burndens with him let alone give them to him in within a time-span on 3-5 min?
I mean seriously... If Jesus was a friend of mine that was physically here and I was telling him my issues it would take way more than 3-5 minutes to tell him
Any story!!
So all I'm saying is... He asks for me to tell him my worries and my fears my pain and my happiness... Everything!
He has provided me with so much; I should give him more time in my day!

God is good all the time, All the time; God is good*
=)

Crazy assignment- Step 1

Okay so, today in my sociology class I ran through so many emotions... I felt like my professor was just pulling my leg altogether. First I got a D on my midterm- I totally suck at taking tests (feeling failure like) and then... he's in casual conversation with class and he decides to share that he has 11 dogs, a donkey and a horse (feeling upset lol) I mean seriously? So I literally asked him if he was kidding only to find out he was very serious -as he continued to share exactly what kind of dogs lived in his house. So all along Im thinking the guy is a clean person because he always shows up clean and ironed and he's pretty smart & intellectual- but now he pist in my corn flakes (as my boyfriend would say) because he has eleven dogs that live inside of his house. whatever. Anyways.. every one is free to do what they please I might just be a little off today lol.

Just when I thought I was done running a train through my emotions, he puts us into groups. I just happen to be in Group 7. Cool, not at all coincidental since 7 is my favorite number... I just so happen to be the only girl in the group (3 guys). Our next step in class was to exchange information with our group members and pick a little piece of paper from a little box and that little piece of paper entailed the topic to which our group had to "research". One of the members of the group chose the best topic of life (sarcastically said) As I held my breath hoping for a civil topic.... I read in BIG BOLD LETTERS (FETISH NIGHT CLUBS -BONDAGE/FOOT) (feeling of confusion).

As the class continues being informative- he explains that which ever topic we have chosen we must put ourselves within the specified environment and see from a selfless point of view the different ways and things these people do/feel. So I'm thinking to myself... are you kidding me (once again he wasn't). I must admit it will be interesting but just know--- this is step one of the process and I cant wait to let you know how crazy it will be when I go to these fetish night clubs and experience some crazy crap. I let you know if someone goes hard when they see my feet LOL

&& that's ALL folks...

p/s: wait for Step TWO.

In my mind.. P.A.R.A.D.I.S.E.

Paradise to me is probably cliche in the minds of all others but ask me if I care?.. if by any chance youre asking; NO. I care for a completely peaceful and relaxing journey that entails nature and everything that is sewn within what it reaps. I want to be in a land full of green with different shades of colors... exotic flowers... random flows of water all along the path... I would like to walk along the path of some sort of sand in which I can feel like one intertwined with the wind...

If I had magical powers I'd be here right now... just staring in awe..... wouldnt you?

And If I were here now I'd probably be bathing in the waterfall; most refreshing bath of life*

This picture just gives out such peace doesnt it?

I dont do hiking... but I would on this path ;)

And just when I feel like giving up and feeling like there has got to be more to life... I would walk this path.. (if only it exists..)

Valentines Day

Its been a while since Ive blogged but let me just clarify; I actually have a life (school, work, social life, school, school, boyfriend and more school. Though I have been extra ordinarily busy, I still have so many great blog topics that I would love to get in to. However, this time around I want to talk about "Valentines Day".

Last Sabbath at church, my best friend Alexsis did an ice breaker for youth church that was great... it included love within a bible verse. The bible verse read like this

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The point of the ice breaker was to have someone out of 4 groups to memorize the bible verse and recite as much as they remember within 5 minutes. Needless to say it was a great idea considering the fact that within the following two days it was Valentines day. =)

My valentines day was full of greatness! My boyfriend went all the way out for my giftS and I was totally grateful (by the way yes, I got him gifts too). Anyways, the day reminded me of every day I spend with my boyfriend... he always manages to show me how much he loves me and it reminded me that the holiday isn't and shouldn't be the only day we ladies or men dress up for each other and buy each other cards of gifts... it should be regularly....

I must admit, I am guilty of using the word 'love' in vain. I never knew the true meaning of love until I met my current boyfriend. He has taught me patience, true happiness, gentleness, guidance and love. I never knew how much a human could actually show love... I didn't know love had the potential to grow.. My boyfriend and I have been through many trials but we've overcome them and I'm so happy now.. because those endeavours have made us stronger. (p.s. I love him... if you haven't already gathered that)

Hopefully your Valentines Day was great and I hope it stood for real Love.
Crushes are cute too hehe =]

Power in decision..

Sometimes, I don't know where to begin in my thought process...
I don't know where to begin, where not to obsess, and when to stop.
I always get to that breaking point... that suggests I stop and when I realize what a race I just put my mind through I begin to pray.
Prayer is so powerful.
Many say "when in doubt, pray." and I believe it.

(a little background info on myself)
I grew up in a Seventh Day Adventist household.... "thou shall keep the Sabbath day Holy" and in my household, we did. I grew up in a state of wonder.. I didn't know what I was in but all I needed to know was "it was right". Often I wondered why I was in this religion considering the fact that I couldn't eat certain foods, I wasn't allowed to go out on Friday nights and early every Saturday morning my family and I would go to church (when I say family I simply meant my house hold because the rest of my family is not 7Th Day Adventists). As I grew up, things got harder.. what seemed to be "right" became annoying and I was no longer a little girl who HAD to do anything.....

and suddenly I'm on my own and I make my own decisions..

A wise man once said something at the dinner table and it hasn't left my mind since then...

he said "You know, sometimes I wish God didn't give me the power of decision."

(by the way that man was my best friends grandfather Grandpa Fletcher.. R.I.P)

Up to this day I refer to that statement as I indulge in thought and I obsess with it because its true... God gave ME the power to choose... to make my very own decisions... That is too much power (think about it). After realizing that I need to be wise enough to make the right decisions that would be beneficial to me... I begin to grow bitter as if I'm setting my youth aside. Surely I want to go out on Friday nights and sure every menu in Miami has shrimp and pork in it.. but if the bible teaches me it isn't right since I was a little girl... what would makes it right now? Ive learned that it isn't always what you want to do... but its what you NEED to do.

I went from having a little girl mentality to making my own decisions. I went from growing up learning a religion and having to choose if this is what my heart pursues at its own knowledge and concluding 'yes'. God is the only one I turn to that has never ever ever let me down... he has been the one to see me through my hardships and pain. So tell me again.. why wouldn't I choose him?

So at times when I race to find a place and I end up at no destination.... I feel lost, lonely, frustrated, unworthy, bitter, anxious; I then unhesitatingly turn to God. I feel for those who don't know God, and who don't turn to him in times of trouble or in times where peace is needed... I wonder where they find their safe place...?

He lives in my mind, soul, and body. Without Him, I would be nobody* I choose God.